


Step, One, Two, Three...

by suckmyduck



Category: CLAMP - Works, X/1999
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Doctor Who References, Gen, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Order Made
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 10:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckmyduck/pseuds/suckmyduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They meet in a dream.</p>
<p>Based on Order Made by Radwimps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Step, One, Two, Three...

It was a very long time ago that he had that dream. Kakyou does not remember exactly when it was and yet he remembered it all so clearly.

They were at a cliff with the sea below them, him and another person. He sat on a boulder and she floated in front of him. He didn’t know who she was or where she came from or why she was with him but somehow everything seemed so natural.

And then she spoke.

“The past or the future, I’ll show them to you but you can only choose one."

Kakyou thought that this was a very weird dream. Even weirder than the one with all those feathers.

“Um, I’m sorry but can you tell me who you are first?”

He wasn’t supposed to talk to strangers after all.

“Are you a fairy?”

The girl had wings and her clothes looked like a flower, though he wasn’t sure if fairies were supposed to have tinted steampunk goggles. Considering the fact that she flies, he thought that was awfully practical of her.

The girl’s grin grew bigger. It was a very bright smile, quite like the sun.

“Ohohohoho! You’re a smart little boy aren’t you? That’s right! I’m a magical fairy sent to give you good things. Aren’t you happy to have a cute fairy like me here to grant your wishes?"

She strikes a magical girl pose.

"Now back to business, past or future? Choose."

The future…

Strangely, he wasn’t really all that interested in the future. Happy things in the future would get spoiled for you and sad things in the future would only be a burden for you. Despite being a quiet child, Kakyou liked surprises; because he thought things were more special, more meaningful that way.

Surprises give him that mini heart attack that makes him feel all the more alive.

“I’d like to see the past please.”

The girl started stroking an imaginary beard on her chin.

“I was so sure you’d choose to see the future. Don’t you wanna know what’s going to happen next?"

“No. I’ll get there someday anyway but you can’t bring back the past that easily, so I want memories to keep close instead.”

Memories are important. He wanted many of them so that he’ll never get sick of them.

“Most kids your age would choose to be a cool superhero with mysterious powers you know."

Kakyou knows about heroes.

Heroes have to be strong to protect the people they love, but sometimes after a twisted chain of events, for those heroes to be strong, they have to lose the people they love. Being a hero is a sad thing and Kakyou would rather not go through that. Besides there are other ways for him to help the people he loves.

“I’d rather be a kind person than a strong person”.

_Strong people, in protecting those that they love tend to forget the most important things._

He realized after a second that it was a very out-of-the-blue statement, but it was as he looked at the girl in front of him, making a soft relenting smile that he thought that she must’ve understood somehow.

 

* * *

 

“So next on the agenda is: arms, legs mouth, ears, hearts and nostrils. I’m going to give you two of each. Isn’t that great?”

 

**_Beat, one, two…_ **

****

Ah, but…

“Don’t I already have those things?”

The girl – somehow despite being quite fairy-like plus the clothes, calling her a fairy didn’t seem right to him – folded her arms in front of her chest.

“Just play along kid."

“Okay.

Well, I’m fine with two arms, legs, ears and nostrils but wouldn’t having two mouths be too much?”

The girl was staring at him. Usually, he’d be flustered but now he wasn’t.

Actually, he was staring back at her too.

“You look like a quiet kid. Two mouths might make you talk more. Not that being quiet is a bad thing but you have to realize that sometimes there are things that need to be said.”

A faraway look on her face told Kakyou that she wasn’t even talking about him anymore.

Why did he feel disappointed?

“I don’t really want to fight with myself about those things. Don’t you think it’s pointless to argue with yourself?”

_Fighting with yourself only plants seeds of doubt and makes you panic so you won’t be able to think clearly. It makes you indecisive and careless, and before you know it, you end up in a dark place where you’ll repeatedly blame yourself for failing and imagining a million ways for you to not fail this time; only the thing is, you did fail and those scenarios will never happen because there are simply no do-overs in real life._

He thought that he’d rather die than to live like that.

He looked at the girl again.

“Also, you’d get mad if your boyfriend kisses another girl with his other mouth, right?”

The girl’s face was in momentary shock at first which slowly transformed into a smirk.

 

**_Blink, one, two…_ **

****

Oh.

 

OH.

 

_She thought he was-_

“My, for a quiet kid, you’re pretty forward."

He thought the corners of her lips would curl on itself with that smile.

His cheeks were burning.

“W- wh- what I meant was-... I am going to get married someday!... AND YOU’RE A GIRL, SO AS A GIRL!… **I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!!!** ”

His whole face felt hot and he’s pretty sure he looked like he wanted to cry.

Actually, he did want to cry.

He also wanted to wake up right about then or jump off from the cliff or have the ground open up to swallow him but alas, none of that happened.

“How cute!” she giggled and he thought that his heart stopped for a fraction of a second.

He blamed puberty.

 

* * *

 

The girl looked at him with a frown.

“Fine, I’m not going to give you the extra mouth if you really don’t want it. But I remember telling you that I would give you two hearts, one for each side of your chest.

So, isn’t that great?”

Kakyou smiled.

“Sorry, but I don’t think I’ll need the heart on the right side of my chest.”

The girl just sighed, her hands on her hips this time.

“You’re a pretty selfish kid you know. I’m supposed to give you good things but you’re throwing them away. I’m giving you the chance to be a time lord you know?”

_“Being a time lord would be lonely”,_ he thought.

“Well, I am just a kid, right? So it’s natural for me to be selfish."

He didn’t even care anymore. This was just a dream after all.

“Besides, it’s more romantic this way don’t you think?

When I get a girlfriend and we hug, I’ll be able to feel her heart on the right side of my chest anyway. She’ll feel my heart on the right side of her chest too. And when we let go of each other it would feel like there are parts of us missing."

_Then I won’t have to stay alone forever. I’ll keep searching for that person, so I won’t have to be alone._

Kakyou didn’t know why but he imagined hugging the girl in front of him.

He imagined her disappearing and he felt like he wanted find her and run to her side, wherever she ended up.

He imagined never having met her at all, living in a world where she didn’t exist and he felt like…

… He felt like he didn’t want to feel at all.

Strangely, he seemed to know exactly how being numb to the world would feel like.

 

* * *

 

“So one more thing… do you want tears?”

 

**_Tick, one, two…_ **

****

“But I already have tears."

He was pretty sure it was normal to have tears.

She had one hand on a hip this time, the other moving on its own accord.

“Well, for your information, tears don’t really make much of a difference, but some people don’t want them because they think they’re a pain.

So, what will you do?”

He didn’t even have to think about it.

“I want them.

I’d rather be a kind person than a strong one after all. I want to be able to find something important enough to be worth those tears."

_I want to show you how important you are to me, more than the sea, more than the world, more than me, more than my heart._

_Surely, the person you love the most cried for you too. If I had shown you all the tears he kept crying for you, for you and his important person, I wonder if things would be different._

_You were important to him too you know._

“So how would you like those tears?

Choose a flavor you like. There’s sour, salty, hot, sweet… which one do you want?”

“I want them all."

“My, what a selfish kid."

He smiled at the tired and exasperated face she was making.

He imagined that she was a pretty selfish person too.

He liked that about her because he thought that meant that he could be selfish too.

 

* * *

 

“Is this everything that you had hoped for?”

He nodded.

She didn’t look very satisfied.

“You didn’t really change anything, you know?”

“It’s fine.”

He liked things this way.

“Well, then I’m gonna have to ask for a demonstration of my handiwork."

 

**_Splash, one, two…_ **

 

He didn’t know what sort of face he was making at that moment but he was sure that it wasn’t what she asked for.

“Show it to me…”, she said again.

 

**_Five, six…_ **

****

_“Your…”_

**_Eight, nine…_ **

****

_“… Crying face."_

_It’s nice to meet you again._

* * *

Years later, Kakyou supposes that he is thankful to her; for reasons he knew and for reasons he didn’t know.

She must’ve been frustrated with all of his selfish choices. He’s sorry for that and yet he can’t help but laugh at how ironic it probably is in some way.

It is autumn, and all the cherry blossoms in Ueno Park had fallen. He had never been fond of them, but he doesn’t mind them. He simply liked the red and gold of autumn more than the pastels of spring.

As he climbs the steps to the park, he thinks of that dream again.

 

**_Step, one, two, three…_ **

****

At the end before he woke up…

 

**_Nine, ten…_ **

****

… He-

 

**_Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen…_ **

****

_“Can I ask you one last thing?”_

**_Twenty seven, twenty eight …_ **

****

_She was staring at him again._

**_Thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight…_ **

****

_He didn’t want her to go._

**_Forty three, forty four…_ **

****

_A girl in pure white, waiting under a cherry blossom tree in full bloom._

**_Forty seven, forty eight, forty nine…_ **

****

Someone at the top of the steps, waiting under a naked cherry blossom tree.

 

**_Fifty_ **

****

_“Have we met somewhere before?”_

**Author's Note:**

> I am sure there's no need to say who the girl was.
> 
> The dream happened when Kakyou was about 14 years old, without memories of what happened in X, but with the level of maturity and understanding he would have as an adult. He is 26 in the last scene. Hokuto is the same age when she died, looking like a fabulous fairy godmother and she remembers everything.
> 
> Sorry if it's OOC. 
> 
> About the ending: It's based on the OVA, because I liked that version of that scene better than the manga. Sorry if the number of steps was inaccurate.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
